FINALLY: Proof That God Did Indeed Create the Universe!!!

As far as the bible is concerned, all that exists in this
universe are two distinct tangible concepts: the "heavens",
and the "Earth". So i decided to spend some time theorizing
how God could have created such a simplistic thing, and i
think i've found the practical solution by hobbling together
a beach-ball, a baseball, some LED lights, and a glass rod.

Here is how it works:

(Don't try this at home kids!)

You see, the "heavens" are a giant beach-ball, and the earth
is a baseball held in the center of this beach-ball by a
crystal clear glass rod (the rod is firmly connected to our
north pole on one end, and extends a "hands-width" out of
the top of the larger beach-ball on the other). It is via
the act of turning this "rod" that God can cause the Earth
to spin, thereby simulating day and night.

Now, even though this glass rod cannot be seen, it's
existence *CAN* be proven simply by observing the "Chandler
Wobble" inherent in earths spin, and extrapolating that --
even a God's hand cannot apply torque to an unfixed rod
without inducing some aberrations in the rod's rotational
axes.

As far as the terrestrial makeup of the earth is concerned,
the trees and grass we see are just diverse forms of mold
growing on the surface of a very old, and dirty baseball.
The mountains and valleys merely the consequence of sewing
seams. And the oceans, lakes, and rivers are nothing more
than residual saliva from when God's favorite English bull-
dog, infamously named Satan, slobbered profusely on the
baseball whilst they played catch one afternoon near the
pearly gates.

Finally, to create the illusion of the "starry heavens", God
randomly stuck a bunch of LED bulbs into the skin of the
larger beach-ball (allowing them to "peek through" so that
the humans living on the baseball could see them)  For the
sun and the moon, he stuck one super-bright orange LED, and
one large white LED on opposing sides of the beach-ball.

Sadly, the universe as we know it will come to an end when
God tires of spinning the rod, and in a sudden, toddler-esque,
boredom-induced-rage, throws the beach-ball across his
bedroom and goes outside to play.